Dear Dairy:

I’m relieved that Chief Justice John Roberts (code name: JR) has recovered from his seizure and there are no lingering effects that would interfere with his duties on the Court. The episode happened over the weekend while he was on vacation. Evidently, there is a discrepancy in the cable systems’ channel schedule between his residence and his vacation home, and when he thought he was tuning into The 700 Club, he inadvertently happened upon the Cinemax presentation ‘Desperate Co-Eds.’ This triggered convulsions that racked his body for several minutes and caused him to swallow his tongue.

Unfortunately, the episode was made much worse by the fact that he kept coughing up his tongue and turning the movie back on.

Saying a prayer for his continued recovery and that we get Cinemax,