Dear Dairy:

It is with a heavy heart that I accepted the resignation of Karl Rove (code name: turd blossom) today. He cited the usual reasons to the press: that he wants to spend more time with his family, and less time being thought of as the second-most evil guy in the most spectacularly failed Presidential Administration of the modern era.

Who’ll be there to let me win at checkers? Or to explain some of the more complicated jokes in the ‘Garfield’ comic strips I so love? It’s not right for him to leave when we have so many important goals left to achieve—for instance, I’m still one card away from finishing my 2007 Topps Baseball set.

Where are you, Joe Crede?