Dear Dairy:

The 2008 Campaign presents an exciting field of candidates who represent historic firsts in American politics, vying for the highest office in the land. Hillary Clinton is the first female candidate. Barack Obama is the first serious Black contender. Rudy Guiliani is the first bald candidate. Mitt Romney represents the first mildly retarded Presidential hopeful.

My money’s on Romney; he’s a natural choice for voters who want a change of pace from the cerebral, hyper-intellectualism that has been the hallmark of my leadership. America shops at Walmart, and Romney conveys the presence and ability of someone who might well have risen to an assistant manager in charge of office supplies position at their local store, even without a wealthy and powerful father.