Dear Dairy:

Nice to have the family together for the Fourth of July yesterday, even though I "forgot" to tell Dad about it. I didn't want to hear his excuse why he "had" to go to Bill Clinton's barbeque instead.

It was great that the Twins took a break from the hard work they do, promoting America by tirelessly drinking J├Ągermeister all around the world, and showed up to collect their allowances in person. I asked them to give me an idea of how popular I was with the younger set.

They said that if I were to start a ‘myspace’ page, I couldn’t even get Tom as my friend.

Who’s Tom?