Dear Dairy:

Another day, another republican gay sex scandal; this time it’s Senator Larry Craig. We’ve had the Mark Foley scandal, the Ted Haggard scandal, and the Bob Allen scandal—and those are just our gay sex scandals! Good thing the prostitutes Duke Cunningham was trading government contracts for and David Vitters had changing his diapers were women!

Not that I’m convinced Allen or Craig are actually gay. It could just be their misfortune to have a history of getting terribly, overwhelmingly horny when they happen to be in an environment where, sadly, no women are available. Or that they are just exceptionally hard workers for their candidate--turns out Allen’s working for McCain, and Craig’s working for Romney. Who knows, it could be that Giuliani and Fred Thompson will be vying for George Michael's endorsement in pursuit of the the gay washroom constituency before this is all through. I suppose you'd call this kind of aggressive campaigning 'balls to the stall.'

But I think as elected officials, it’s up to us to spot these fellas among us. I mean, open your eyes, Republicans! Look around the whorehouse! Whoever isn’t there is more than likely making googly-eyes in a public men’s room somewhere.