Dear Dairy:

Even though Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke (code name: Bernie) gave financial markets a shot in the arm by slashing rates last week, people are already talking about a coming financial crisis and likening the economy to a giant floating craps game, only it’s a game where people play with IOU’s on their IOU’s and the object of the game seems to be to lose ever-more spectacular amounts. I don’t see what the problem is; all of our economic policies are based firmly on the work of the respected economist Charles Ponzi, who Uncle Dick tells me is practically a household name.

I’m very slightly worried, because the robust economy I’ve been touting is really about the only facet of my Presidency people don’t include on those annoying lists of ‘Reasons Why George Bush is the Worst President of the Modern Era.’ If the economy goes the way the experts say it will, all we really have to brag about as far as results of my policies is the impressive growth in the Artificial Limb Manufacturing sector.

Maybe I can help with the 'credit crunch' by avoiding taking credit for it?