Dear Dairy:

I’ve been pretty busy since I signed the ‘Protect America Act’ into law, which basically allows me to listen to anything or read anything I want, with no oversight except a secret court—a court so secret Congress has to take us on our word that it even exists. It was nice to sign a law I couldn’t even make better with a signing statement! Sam Alito called to congratulate me; he said he read the law and it made him come in his pants.

I told him I already knew that because we overheard him saying it on an earlier call he made to Scalia.