Dear Dairy:

I saw President Ahmadinejad on Charlie Rose last night. You know what I think is disgusting? When a leader cloaks his thirst for power and his disdain for dissent with facile demonstrations of piety. I don’t think he is what anyone would call a religious man. What kind of ‘religious man’ would send soldiers and weapons into the sovereign nation of Iraq, costing untold numbers of innocent Iraqi citizens their lives? Why do the truly faithful of his nation, who make up his political base, not see through this hypocritical and insulting subterfuge? I prayed to Jesus, Whom I always consult on matters that presage the need for overwhelming military action, for His guidance during this difficult time.

But President Ahmadinejad really stepped in it when he spoke at Columbia University, amid vocal, angry protesters, denunciations from members of faculty, and hundreds of signs equating him with Hitler. Now he knows why I don’t speak at Columbia University!

Still, I am oppressed by the haunting reality that time is running out, and if I am to fulfill my mission--the central focus of my life--some drastic effort, or even divine intervention, may be necessary, because the consequences of failure are too personally devastating to contemplate. Every waking moment, and with every new piece of information or fresh intelligence report brought to my attention, I am confronted by the stark reality that I’m still one card away from completing my 2007 Topps Baseball set, and Baseball season is very nearly over.

I’m considering putting a bounty on Joe Crede’s head.