Dear Dairy:

I’m getting ready to deliver my good news speech tomorrow to tell America that as long as conditions on the ground are met, I will not be extending troop deployments again. Given the Iraqi's tremendous success in meeting benchmarks, I do not foresee any problems.

One of the great things about announcing a reduction of troops that the terms of their enlistment, were we to honor them, had mandated anyway is it gives the illusion that I am responding to the will of the people. While troop numbers next year will be the same as they were last year, they will—if all goes according to our flawless plan—be less than this year. The beauty of a step in the wrong direction when you’re in a bad place is stepping back into the same bad place provides the illusion of a step in the right direction.

I may sweeten the speech even more by announcing that, as of today, I am not calling for an immediate reinstatement of the Draft, and if things progress as hoped, will not through the end of the month. Republicans in Congress are gonna carry me around on their shoulders like a football hero or the noble albatross.

Which may, under my Presidency, replace the outdated Bald Eagle!