Dear Dairy:

Today is the 6th anniversary of the darkest day of my Presidency, which is saying a lot because I’ve had more than my share of dark days. Americans everywhere are stopping to reflect on the significance of the date and to think back and remember where they were when they heard the awful news that Elvis Presley had died.

Six years. It seems longer; probably because of the intervening endless war we’ve become bogged down in.

I am determined that September 11th never happens again, and so I take this anniversary as a reminder of the work that remains. I have come up with a foolproof plan to meet that goal. I will shortly be introducing legislation that will require manufacturers to remove September 11 from all new calendars. Never again will Americans have to suffer through that terrible day. Plus, Christmas will come one day earlier! Why didn't I think of this before?

Actually, it might be more useful to require calendar manufacturers to make every day September 11. Three hundred-sixty five anniversaries a year of that dark day to remind folks of those events will save me having to mention them a couple dozen times in every speech I make.

I bet Rudy Giuliani thinks the idea’s a winner!