Dear Dairy:

The job numbers came out today and our projections were a little off; we predicted 115,000 new jobs, and instead lost 4,000. Job projection is an inexact science, however, and so it’s not all that unusual to be off by 30,000%. And to be fair, a good portion of those lost jobs were folks leaving my own Administration in disgrace.

I’m a little annoyed by the fault lines shooting through the Economy. That’s supposed to be a big part of my legacy, you know, the tremendous success investors have enjoyed during my Administration, even if the Treasury had to be looted in order for them to do it. If the stock market reverses the way the first-time home buyer market we used to brag about did, what will my legacy be? Lowering the percentage of children born into or living in poverty? It would be nice if it were true. Increasing the percentage of Americans enjoying adequate health care? Not likely. Increased opportunities for college scholarships? Possibly among those in Division 1 athletic programs. My unflagging loyalty to and support of the dangerously incompetent?

I take comfort knowing that, regardless of how any statistics will reflect on my time in office, I will be remembered as one of the 43 greatest Presidents the United States has ever had, up to this point in time.