Dear Dairy:

I told Uncle Dick about how I’m getting ready for my book deal, and he gave me one of those looks like I just broke something in his office again. He told me about a great book I should get on tape about a utopia set in the future. It’s called ‘1984.’ He said there’s a part in it about a boot and a human face that is a hoot. It made him smile just thinking about it.

His smile always reminds me of a fella with his jaws wired shut trying to scream.