Dear Dairy:

More questioning of Alberto (code name: Speedy) yesterday; the Senate is really trying to put his innocent visit to Former Attorney General Ashcroft’s hospital bed in an unsavory light. Pressuring him into renewing the spying program authorization was the last thing on my mind when I directed Speedy to make that visit! Sure, during their time together, General Ashcroft was put in a number of stress positions for prolonged periods, subjected to extreme temperatures, dowsed with water to simulate drowning, and other techniques proven to be effective in establishing an open dialogue that I prefer not to discuss, but we merely wanted to be sure that when he said he was recovering, he meant it. The renewal of the spying program? It hardly even came up.

Obviously, former Deputy Attorney General James Comey mistook the friendly tenor of the visit for something unpleasant, when it was nothing of the kind.