Dear Dairy:

To demonstrate the improved security directly resulting from the Surge I authorized, I visited Iraq yesterday. Thanks to the Surge, I am perfectly comfortable making unannounced clandestine visits of over five hours into the safest part of the Green Zone before getting on the fastest plane out of there.

The visit let me announce that the improved security of the Surge raises the opportunity to draw down our forces. It works the same way as the Oil Industry, from which we take so many of our cues. Say soldiers are refineries, and security is the demand for gas. If a certain number of soliers/refineries can meet a certain level of security/demand for gas, then redeploying soldiers/taking refineries offline will leave the level of security/demand for gas met and unaffected. Understand?

Actually, I would like to have stayed longer in Iraq, but the air there just doesn't agree with me; I suffer terrible allergic reactions. I swear, every time I get a lungful of that Iraqi air it makes my whole body tremble and my bowels impossible to control.